So many people think I’m amazing, I need to get over the one person who thinks I’m not.
I like what I do to strangers.
I like that people just see me, vibe, and smile.
I like who I am.
I know that I’m a good person
I need to quit beating myself up for not being more.
The amount of people I made smile today, just by holding up a sign in the airport.
The amount of people who just grinned at my being.
Who like what I present.
I want to be more of this.
I want to be the person the entire world sees me as.
I want to love me the way that they all automatically do.
And I want to be more for them.
I want my laugh to be authentic, more than just the minute.
*
It’s been an amazing two days.
It will be an amazing few more weeks.
But I can’t wait to dig into myself, and become the person the world so willingly loves.
I can’t wait to be me.
There is a poem deep within
On the healing heart
On the rhythm of breathing the night air together
Under the moon, which humbles us
Under the stars, which guide us
With the sound of solid footfall on the street
There is a poem about the breath of you
And of how much you’re needed
In my wayward life
But I will not write this poem tonight
It is for when I’ve had more sleep
And for when the words ‘thank you’
Become enough.
Take Me In, Tender Woman
We don’t have snakes in New Zealand. Also, I’ve heard horror stories here of Water Moccasins chasing people in their canoes and kayaks. Because of these things, I have this somewhat irrational fear of water snakes. Irrational in that, I’m on land far too much to actually think about water snakes as often as I do.
*
Today I was down at the creek with my son. I ushered him to come to part of the water where the sun was shining. I found baby fish and excitedly showed him. Then I found tadpoles, and did the same. Then I noticed, less than a foot away from my foot, a snake, gliding through the water. Right beside me.
*
I thought if I ever saw a water snake I would be paralysed with fear, or run screaming. Neither, it would seem, was the case. I gasped a gasp of magnificent beauty and, after moving my son back, watched the snake intently. The sun streamed down on this creature and he glided through the water like liquid silver, looking around, exploring his universe, and *drinking* it in. Without a care in the world. It was, without a doubt, one of the most glorious things I’ve witnessed in awhile.
*
Oh! To be a snake!
Glow
“And the soul takes flight to the land that is invisible, and there arriving, she is sure of bliss, and forever dwells in paradise.” ~ Plato
*
I have loved this reading since I first heard it. I used to think it was about death and the afterlife. Now I think it’s about enlightenment.
She Said
> I’m scared. I always create beautiful things for others, but not for me.
She said: we talked about this last week, about how you should start creating for yourself.
> I’ve been telling myself to take these flying leaps at giant mountains, but I feel like this is a really, really *big* mountain.
She said: Just take a flying leap at the side of it.
>I worry about the pointlessness of making this, when it’s essentially about the point/pointlessness of everything.
She said: Hasn’t this been healing you? Don’t you think it might heal others?
for the record.
~
fevered hot. the ac is out. the apartment is too messy to tell the landlord and let him in. i’ve been lost between worlds of mother and artist, not cleaner. and now i sit, in the burning heat, wearing a singlet and underwear, fevered hot and sprawled out on the bed. excited. inspired. writing the world. for nobody’s world. what will you remember this week as? the week of ultra healing. the week of enlightenment. the week you flew, and have flown, and are flying. because nothing hurts. everything is healed. it’s not even fleeting, because it’s not thinking, it is being, and breathing, and existing. it’s the moon, and the stars. it’s the stunning awe of the universe. it’s late night conversations on how we are everything, and all, and not one. talks of delusion, and letting go. realising what is, and isn’t, although this was in us to begin with. we don’t forget. it’s knowing. it’s knowing. it’s known. it’s the sound of laughter that disappears and becomes all that i am. it’s existential. it’s beatable. beatable beauty. the dirty old bag i will carry with me this summer, as i scribble the world away. it’s treasure. it’s all. and we’re all.
~
healing.
~
“Nothing is ever good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Alabama summer
Of which I’m always so scared
You come in again with a warm wind
To caress my fraught brow
An embrace
For an unsure body
I worry so much about the time of you
But again you prove to be timeless
The scent of flowers on the air
God’s breath
Making every path the right one to walk down
And every evening a reminder of life
As if we were all children again
(and we are)
As if life were okay again
(and it is)
As if only the here and now matters
(and it does)
Rendering each echo
- which smiles a goodbye
And each skipping stone
-which splashes a wave
Some kind of midnight hero.
That’s CUH-RAZY, DUDE!
So last week I wasn’t able to eat much, resulting in me pooping water for three days (oh, go on, keep reading). I also got the period from HELL and I thought I would pass out from blood loss (oh, not gross at all, keep reading). I ALSO had a pretty horrific head-cold that wiped me out. All in one week! Needless to say, I did zero running and it was all slow recovery. The week before that, also, I damaged a toe and didn’t run at all. So, in light of all of this non-running, why did I say ‘Yes, I will run a half marathon with you tonight’ when my running partner asked? Oh, you know, because I’m CRAZY. (and so is he)
Soooooooo….
I’m boiling rice (seems like something one could stomach) and hammering water. And, I’m going to look for old sneakers. And then tonight….tonight….EEKS. I’m so excited. I’m going to run a half marathon. Woot WOO! This is JUST what the doctor ordered.
I don’t need a hollow log
To post love letters into
I don’t need the complication of hearts
Although hearts are what I’m known for
I need a tree instead
To build a tree hut in
So we can climb and eagerly sit
Cross legged eating chips
I need only to see your nose crinkle
As you talk about your new love
And I need to get caught up in
My excitement for you
The way that old bookstore hummed
That night when one text you
For the love of it all
I don’t need a hollow log
To post love letters into
I need a tree instead
To build a tree hut in
So I can sit with my friend
And laugh.
love in an elevator
In the mornings when I wake I’m pretty sad.
By 10am, things are picking up speed.
By the evening, I feel like I am life itself, a mass of tingles and vibration, warmth and strength and celebration.
*
It’s hard that things can’t stay constant, constantly happy, constantly sad, or even constantly mediocre.
*
I’m this weird mix of can’t-wait-to-snuggle-down-in-my-blankets-and-celebrate-life-and-sleep-with-a-grin, and stay-away-from-bed-I-don’t-want-the-morning-to-come.
*
I wonder what I can add to my morning routine, to hammer the blues away. Because the rest…the rest is pretty awesome.
RSS Feed